My mind is flooded with so many memories as I write down these words. I don’t even know where to begin. I am an incredibly emotional creature, which is a wonderful and terrible thing all at once. When something disappointing happens, I cry waterfalls. But when something magical happens, like when seemingly impossible things fall into place, or when I hear a song that grabs my soul, my entire heart glows. I believe at times that it can be seen from space. In those moments, I feel beautiful.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I have no idea what I’m doing. Logic doesn’t have much of a place in my mind, and I follow my heart to a glorious fault. The hummingbird heartbeats, the stomachs filled with butterflies, the shivers from dancing in the pouring rain. Sometimes they lead me down narrow paths, into bright places and across state borderlines. And sometimes they lead me straight into the dark. I am nothing but a collection of stories with unexpected endings. Sometimes I find my gold, and sometimes I don’t. Either way, everything somehow ends up being okay. I have learned that just because it didn’t work out my way doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it. Even broken glass can be beautiful if you hold it to the sun.
2011 has been the wildest year I have ever known. Every single day was filled to the brim with endless lists of things to do. Realizing everything that happened this year makes my heart glow in the way I mentioned above. I am so grateful for everything. My family, my friends, the incredible fan-family that grows each day. This was my last year of being a teenager. I fulfilled my lifelong dream of ‘becoming’ a mermaid. I went to a concert in August that changed my life. My toes walked along the sand in Hawaii, and I spent my 20th birthday jumping on a giant trampoline filled with colorful balloons with my best friends. I freaked out when I heard my songs on the radio and saw my album reviewed in print magazines. I met the most incredible producer/recording engineer who helped “We Loved” and the “Poetry with Hands and Feet” EP come to be and had the best time working in the studio. Hummingbirds flew all around me, and I received some of the best hugs ever. The shows this year have been so special too: from the themed park shows with streamers in the trees, to the event at the Santa Monica Pier, to the magical 11.11.11 show last month. That night was every dream I ever had coming true. This means I need to start making new dreams. I’ll start yesterday.
Thank you so much for your part in helping make any or all of these experiences possible. I am infinitely appreciative and hope that I have somehow helped open doors for you too. Know that I really do love you, whoever you are, and that I believe in you wholeheartedly!
So here’s to another year of hanging dreamcatchers from mic stands, dancing around barefoot on stage, laughing until I cannot breathe, smearing glitter on my eyes, believing in true love, driving aimlessly for hours, and perpetually following my impulsive heart off every cliff possible.
I will find my gold
and not find it
Over and over again.
I wish you the most wonderful holiday season & new year.
May 2012 be ethereal.